Mum's advice to me regarding relationships will always be "find someone who loves you kerana Allah". Believe me I did not understand this until a month ago, because to me love is a feeling, I don't choose who I love, the feeling just comes and grows.
Failed relationships have taught me that I am very weak, always letting my emotions overrule my senses at times, sacrificing time to go the extra mile in helping the guy in his studies/work, spending weekends and holidays going out from morning till night, because of.... "LOVE." His happiness is your happiness, or so the saying goes. This is to a point that your daily life relies on the status of the relationship, and when it doesn't work out, you become a wreck and feel so betrayed that your effort and sacrifices for the relationship are no longer appreciated..then creeps in the feeling of hatred and regret. Regret of the things you have done wrong and regret not doing more. That person who used to say he will protect you, and to those firm words you believe in, become the very person he had promised to protect against.
DEPRESSION
Who is to blame? No one else but yourself.
Then who do you look for IF this happens? Your family. Mum and Opah who watched me as I cried every single night, who witnessed my nightmare episodes, who forced me to eat when all I can manage was 2 spoons. It was not fair for them because I made them worried and sad, yet it was not their battle.
Though I have yet to fulfill many of life's challenges, I think mum's advice makes more sense to me now. When you love someone kerana Allah, there is sincerity and respect in relationships before marriage. You DON'T do things that would jeopardise the health of the relationship, how ever tempting they appear to be, because the sayang is kerana Allah...you fear Allah and Allah only. So if it doesn't work out, you can still smile and go about your daily routine. You don't feel betrayed as Allah will have a better plan for you..you are rest assured because you have done nothing wrong..the relationship was just not meant to be for you.
And for the guy, if he loves you kerana Allah, he will respect you in return, wait until he has your hands in marriage before he takes your heart and body from your family. He will promise to protect you even from himself and would pray to Allah that you are protected and will not stop praying even after marriage. He wouldn't claim that you are his, because both you and him belong to the Creator.
Before marriage: to love and to be loved respectfully
After marriage: to love and to be loved wholeheartedly, soul and body.
Wallaua'lam
