Sayang kerana Allah

Mum's advice to me regarding relationships will always be "find someone who loves you kerana Allah". Believe me I did not understand this until a month ago, because to me love is a feeling, I don't choose who I love, the feeling just comes and grows.

Failed relationships have taught me that I am very weak, always letting my emotions overrule my senses at times, sacrificing time to go the extra mile in helping the guy in his studies/work, spending weekends and holidays going out from morning till night, because of.... "LOVE." His happiness is your happiness, or so the saying goes. This is to a point that your daily life relies on the status of the relationship, and when it doesn't work out, you become a wreck and feel so betrayed that your effort and sacrifices for the relationship are no longer appreciated..then creeps in the feeling of hatred and regret. Regret of the things you have done wrong and regret not doing more. That person who used to say he will protect you, and to those firm words you believe in, become the very person he had promised to protect against.

DEPRESSION

Who is to blame? No one else but yourself.

Then who do you look for IF this happens? Your family. Mum and Opah who watched me as I cried every single night, who witnessed my nightmare episodes, who forced me to eat when all I can manage was 2 spoons. It was not fair for them because I made them worried and sad, yet it was not their battle.

Though I have yet to fulfill many of life's challenges, I think mum's advice makes more sense to me now. When you love someone kerana Allah, there is sincerity and respect in relationships before marriage. You DON'T do things that would jeopardise the health of the relationship, how ever tempting they appear to be, because the sayang is kerana Allah...you fear Allah and Allah only. So if it doesn't work out, you can still smile and go about your daily routine. You don't feel betrayed as Allah will have a better plan for you..you are rest assured because you have done nothing wrong..the relationship was just not meant to be for you.

And for the guy, if he loves you kerana Allah, he will respect you in return, wait until he has your hands in marriage before he takes your heart and body from your family. He will promise to protect you even from himself and would pray to Allah that you are protected and will not stop praying even after marriage. He wouldn't claim that you are his, because both you and him belong to the Creator.

Before marriage: to love and to be loved respectfully

After marriage: to love and to be loved wholeheartedly, soul and body.

Wallaua'lam

Khadeeja Khairil

This post is dedicated to my newly-born sister who is 2 days today..

She was born on 22 July 2011 at 10.06pm and weighs 2.85kg.

The name given is the beautiful Khadeeja Khairil, also the name of our Opah and wife of our beloved Prophet Rasulullah SAW.

Honestly Khadeeja, given the circumstances of our family, when your mother was pregnant, I did not give much thought as to how I would feel when you would leave your mummy's womb and into the world.

Abah was on the driveway when I bumped into him that night you were born. He was in the car, engine on, smoking, when I asked him "Abah nak gi mana?" He looked at me with that innocent look and replied "To the hospital. Someone nak deliver". Emotionless, I said "Oh". Abah did ask me to come along, but I declined. This was around 9pm.

I did not think much afterwards.

Around 10.30pm, as I was sorting out pictures on my laptop, I received a BBM msg from Abah. The next thing I knew I was looking at your very first picture, and before I can think of anything, I was crying because....I am in love.

I could not content myself from crying because you are so beautiful, so untouched, so pure and innocent, and it is just impossible to not care about you.

I was even crying profusely on the phone when I talked to my boyfriend, Hilmi, who was kind enough to drive me to DEMC so I can meet you on the first day you were born. It was near midnight, he has to work on the next day and so I could not thank him enough.

True enough, I was in love and I could not stop looking at you and feel so lucky that now, we have 3 girls in the family to match up to the 3 boys.

(See my mata yang lebam from all the crying..hehe malu je)

Diyana Khairil (04.09.1987)

Khalis Khairil (24.08.1991)

Khaliff Khairil (09.11.1996)

Khafiz Khairil (30.09.1998)

Ellynna Khairil (25.01.2001)

Khadeeja Khairil (22.07.2011)

You were born through an emergency C-section, and because your tali pusat was wrapped around your face, mummy's doctor needed to dig you out with a spatula, and hence the marks on your face and your head. But today, the marks are slowly disappearing. See your pretty pictures above. =)

So..welcome to the Khairil's family. PS: We are very dysfunctional, but with lots of love, Abah reminded me that night that he loves each and everyone of us. Praise to Allah for making you a healthy baby, and Praise to Allah for your arrival in our family.

Whatever decisions our parents make, whatever problems that should come, whatever tests that this family should have to face, I will make sure that all our brothers and sisters will stick together, like a really cool team. <3

By the time you read this, I think you will understand who your mother is, who Kakak Elly's mother is, and who my mother is, but you will also understand that we are FAMILY.

You are a Khairil, and therefore will always forever be my baby sister. Just like Kakak Elly.

With Unconditional Love, Kak Diyana.

10 Things I wanna do before I die

1) Perform the Hajj.
2) Belajar menjahit.
3) Paint on a canvas, the result has to be good enough to become a painting in my room.
4) Ride a Ducati, probably a Monster, coz I'm not tall enough. Not a pillion, but the actual rider.
5) Be a barrista at Starbucks, just because I love coffee so much, I need to learn how to make good coffee.
6) Take a diving course, and actually dive in the open waters of Sipadan. Scary.
7) Volunteer for a good cause. Eg: Mercy Malaysia, Teach for Malaysia, or even a Gaza human rights activist. O__o
8) Learn Opah's rendang. Can't believe I still don't know how to make this.
9) Visit Switzerland, New Zealand, South Africa, and etc (countries with GREAT landscape).
10) TICK ALL OF THE ABOVE. THIS IS A BONUS.

Bridesmaid

Can't wait for my bridesmaid dress for Fateen's wedding to be completed with these buttons. Pippa was my inspiration for the lovely buttons. Simple yet elegant. =)

Syahrir Nurdin

Both dresses: By Syahrir Nurdin.

They are perfect for both of us even from the first fitting. No expensive and fine kain needed, the designer had managed to work with these difficult materials (mine was embroidered net, and the embroidery is like wire) with no complaint (I've heard designer stories who would fuss over clients' cheap kain).

He even designed both of the piece:

My top was cropped diagonally to give a slight tilt to my left, yet the border was still even. My skirt had quite a big flare, which I have never ever in my life would think I can pull it off. He even reassured me and insisted profusely that I was not fat when I was doubtful whether the short top and flared skirt will look ok on me.

My mum's trims at the bottom and side were neatly placed and sewed together to form the frame of her lovely jubah.

This is simply to say, Syahrir Nurdin managed to wow us with true designer and tailor skills, with little of our own imagination.

Hence why I wanted to post this up so much; I think designers like Syahrir Nurdin should be recognised and publicised positively, even better than those stuck-up and overpriced ones. Hopefully the hospitality will remain as he becomes famous amongst the ladies (professionally of course). The trip to his boutique at Shah Alam Mall that cost us RM350 each dress was worth every ringgit.

A Date with the Prime Minister (By YCM)

(Monday, 27th June 2011, Intercontinental Hotel KL)

My lack of interest in the Malaysian political arena, or in fact, any politically-infused matter had not stopped me from wanting to meet Malaysia's Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak.

Being above 21 and below 30, I knew I should grab this FREE chance to hear our PM's address to the "young corporate Malaysians" (as an ex-auditor, I believe I am eligible), and true enough, I was amazed by his eloquent speech and how honest and realistic his replies were to questions from the floor.

Apart from seeing our PM in person, me being me, I get excited and tend to focus more when he talked without a text, and with such clarity, proficiency in English, and perfect choice of words, that I am now a fan. Oh yes, I think I am a fan of PM Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak. Not to mention I got to capture a picture of him smiling at me (below) or maybe he was just a smiley guy, yes?

Ok, moving on from the smile. On a more serious note, key sensitive issues were highlighted by audiences, which included the evergreen issue of tax on imported cars, call for younger members of the parliament, ISA and AUKU, rising property prices and cost of living (inflation and in comparison with the UK), IPP contracts, and also the education industry (from teachers' incentive scheme, call for creativity and innovation-based subjects, and the need for existing vernacular schools). Loads of comparison with the UK because I think most of the YCM members graduated from the UK.

As for the PM, he provided insights on how the ETP came about, along with how the 6 NKEAs, 12 SRIs, and of course, the concept of 1Malaysia.

All I can say is WOAH. I was quite a listener though, apart from the ocassional distraction from Syafiq about his personal savings (Syafiq! sorry you know i love ya xoxo). I applaud the young corporate Malaysians for having the courage to ask these sensitive questions. I would have to enrol in Toastmasters Club first before I think I can ask these questions.

If any of you wonder what are some of the terms above, haha no worries, I had to google some of them also for more in-depth info.

Summary of answers here: http://mymindajutawan.wordpress.com/2011/06/28/young-corporate-malaysians-an-evening-with-the-prime-minister-dato-sri-najib-razak/

Overall, this was my personal version of crash course of the Malaysian economy.

Read up!

Midnight Cravings

This is what happens when you are a student again, and it's your semester break. I tend to have midnight cravings to write, but I'll pay when I wake up at 12pm tomorrow, hate!

Despite waking up late, I managed to tick each and everything on my to-do list today! Accomplishment!

1) Picked up my baju kurung moden from Kak Su!

It fits me PERFECTLY. I am also proud that I invented a multi-purpose sleeve for this baju, n Kak Su was good a tailor to realise my wish, exactly how I imagined it to be! More ideas for baju kurung to come! (I am seriously considering learning how to sew, and opening up my own baju kurung tailor shop with creative partner, Syaza!

2) Sent recyclables to recycling centre Dewan MBSA Sec11, Shah Alam.

Due to ACCA exam, (alasan), I had no time (or more like I suck at multi-tasking) to send recycling items to the centre. The fact that the centre only opens on Thursdays limits my time even further. This shows the lack of recycling habits of Shah Alam citizens and how unappealing recycling is. I dont blame them, because there should be more centres which open on more days in a week. When people start noticing these places, they would invite themselves to start recycling perhaps. It's true you know, coz I only started recycling when I knew (from a friend, and not from advertisements or campaigns) that there was a centre for it. This gives me an idea, maybe I should volunteer to start a campaign with MBSA. Hurmmm...sedekah jariah for our future generation.

This is 2 months of recyclables. Imagine how significant our contributions back to mother nature if every households make the initiate to recycle. I couldn't have done it without mama and bibik Sara.

3) Change my BB Internet Plan

Dear Maxis, you are a public-listed company, you shouldn't reap off excessive profits from customers. Maybe you should learn the business etiquettes of a Muslim, we shall not make excessive margins, or at least knowingly so, because wealth is not entirely ours, we have to share (ok preaching mode kejap).

Since I bought BB with Maxis, I was entitled to a free and unlimited one year BIS (Blackberry Internet Service) which had expired last April. Subsequently, Maxis, being very opportunistic and unfair, absorbed me into the most expensive Internet Plan; the BB Advanced. Even the Maxis agent at the counter was surprised I was in that plan.

(Debab just jumped onto my bed and wants to play...so comel!)

I had to constantly pay RM100 every 10 days to avoid my phone from being barred. And this is when I don't even call anyone that much. Ridiculous!

So, alhamdulillah now I've switched to BB Standard which costs me only RM55 a month.
Here's to cheaper bills in July! YES!

4) Bought Blue Ocean Strategy

Post Melaka, I am broke. But apparently not broke enough when I decided to buy Blue Ocean Strategy book. So I have been told it's a highly recommended read, even according to my own father.

Why now? Because I saw Adele's video clip in her home and I want a shelf full of books, just like hers. Hence, I am now beyond broke!

5) Bought Rendang Padang

I felt so jolly (ok, now Debab is biting off newspapers in my room, aiyyah!) that I could not resist the aroma of SACC Mall's LG Rendang Padang.

True enough, everyone in my house loves it, because RM12 worth of daging n rendang are safely processing in our tummies. Habis licin!

6) Debab loves cherries too!

Debab the Rabbit must have been the most pampered rabbit alive, because not only does he not live in his cage (his cage is for toilet activities n where his food is), he is also fed biscuits, chocolates, cereals, bananas, rambutans, and now CHERRIES? Fresh from Australia, thanks to Fateen! Like owner, like rabbit!

LOVE!

16 again!

When you're with your high school best friends, it feels like you're 16 again.
You only grow up, but never grow old...with your girlfriends.

We're constantly oblivious of others and high, so high that we can take pictures with road signs and on meriams. =)

Believe it or not, this is my first road trip with my high school girlfriends since ever!

19-21 June 2011 shall be remembered!

Hence, Melaka, you are not only historical to Malaysia, but also to our friendship!
Love you girls.

How bittersweet would taste

In Loving Memory

Maddox was our Mini Parklane, which had been through one of the toughest times in my life. Although i had asked for a Checkmate instead, having Maddox was really special. He's like a KID who needs constant bathing, coz he can easily look dirty and he couldn't go that fast either but back during the days when I used to go on road trips, Maddox was my very reliable company. =)

Miss you so much Maddox

Latest Project

The Scirocco was supposed to be this when Dad wanted to buy one. Instead, ours became like this, the Viper Green Scirocco ABT Specs, with 19-inch rims:

I name it: GIZMO.

Then, our MODJO, the Satria Neo has been looking like this:

But thanks to Dad, it is undergoing major surgery to look like this Neo S2000. What a beauty.

(credits to amirul991.blogspot.com for the awesome pics)

This Neo S2000 is used in the Intercontinental Rally Challenge by Proton Motorsport, with a wider body, and so will our new Modjo will look like, including this wider hips and white colour body, with Type-C SSR 18-inch rims. Yes, you read it correctly..18-inch.

How awesome can a father be. My dad, my abah is the awesomest of them all.

Heads Up

More fun things to come. =)

Coldplay - Lovers In Japan

This song makes me feel longing for a soulmate, a guy who is willing to brave adventures, get me out of this stagnant state of mind and just be free. Overnight drive to a beach just to see sunrise, ride on a bike on Karak to Awana, or perhaps just aimless quiet drive while holding hands in the car. I hope this soulmate will be my future husband. Ameen.

I don't know

• So I have finally told my dad about my tuition fees. He said ok, of course he has to say so. Then comes the million-dollar question about my future. "So what's your plan after the studies? Are you going to apply back to EY?" in a persuasive-expecting-a-yes-answer tone.

• Honestly, I just don't know. I just do not have the interest and drive to be an auditor anymore. I honestly feel from the strength of all my core muscles that it is not a healthy life being an auditor in Malaysia, sacrificing weekends and late nights for the sake of WORK. If it is under occassional circumstances, it is fine by me, but this term is not in auditors' vocabulary unfortunately. It had turned me into a robot for 6 months, and although I appreciate the breadth of knowledge I have obtained, I still think it is pathetic to be working those miserable long hours just to meet what everyone ironically knows as IMPOSSIBLE deadline. If your extra-effort goes appreciated, aka salary is very handsome, above the industry-average or of those who work from 8-5, then yea, just keep your mouth shut and deal with it, but NO. We subject ourselves to it because everyone else in the office is doing it, hence we think it is NORMAL, when it is not. Voicing out would mean you're complaining about things other people can deal with. Well, guess what, THERE IS MORE TO LIFE than spending non-paid working hours in the office until 2am every single day.

• It had taken a toll on my motivation. Going back home late means no time for yourself to any other thing than sleeping. And even that, we still wake up at 4am to continue work. So we go to work feeling lethargic and tired, no mood to dress up and deal with clients. Imagine doing this everyday, coupled with weekend classes and oh, outstation jobs.

• Unless Malaysia can emulate the auditors' working style of those in European countries, whereby amazingly they can go back at 5pm everyday and still get the work done, I will continue to "complain", "nag", whatever you want to call it, because i consider as modern-day slavery and unfair treatment to be subjected to Malaysian auditors' lifestyle.

• Never in my life have I hated the word "budget" so much, where we cannot claim our effort and yet the senior management expects the work to be done.

• So for now Abah, I just don't know if I want to go back to audit. If I do, it won't be because I love it anymore, it would be for and ONLY for the sake of 3 years experience as a last resort if I don't find other career opportunities that interest me.

UTMOST Attention Please!

Since I can't work efficiently without deadlines, below are the list of tasks that MUST be done Pronto!

Kalau dah post publicly pun all these things tak siap, go slap yourself off the laziness!

1) Go to UiTM and collect ANC certificate - overdue since 6 Dec 2010.

2) Settle Digi Broadband outstanding bills - terminate if possible - overdue since 13 Dec 2010

3) START cleaning Subang Permai house - overdue since October 2010!!!

4) Organise clothes into those new IKEA compartments (Kalau beli tapi tak guna, APE CER!)

Utmost attenTION and immediate acTION are not an opTION, they are the only soluTION!

=D

Should i be worried?

5As, 8As, 11As, 3.99, and 3.82 CGPAs later, I quit my first job. I am now unemployed and not studying. I feel great.

People often rebel when they are young but eventually life and responsibilities shape them to be the adults they should be.

But as for me, is the bell finally ringing for me to take my turn on the joyride to rebel-land?

All I can think about is me, me, me now. By that I mean I have so much planned out in my head and can only imagine myself living a carefree life. All at the expense of my parents' pockets of course.

THIS IS WORRYING YET EXCITING. =P