December 16, 2010

The End

Some people are blessed with the skill to take it easy.. Despite having problems, these people can go to work as usual, concentrate, and deal with the problems later, or not at all. I wish I can do that, because here I am now at home feeling miserable and giving silly excuses to superiors.

Here's a thought that my stupid head can't stop thinking about; Do you actually love someone in the first place if you say "I have no feelings for you anymore" everytime you fight with your partner? Why is it easy for you? Your anger has always overcome the best of you when things are not ok. I can take the fights, which couple don't fight? But I find it impossible to take the words.

I have been a bad girlfriend, but I am certainly not as bad as what you have judged me. Given true demonstration of love and time, I am someone very able to learn from mistakes.

Reflecting at myself, I hate the state that I am now. Loving someone means I grow to depend on my partner, and this means being affected if something is not right. 6 months into working life, I am still not accustomed to separating personal and professional life. I am in a mess because I am a mess. My room is messy because my head is messy. My work is messy because I am messy. Gosh. Only God knows how much this hurts and how much I am trying to stay strong.
I miss being independent.

I hope your words are true though, because the mourning phase has started, I don't want to turn back because I'm too tired to do that over and over again.

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