Bubbles Bubbles Bubbles

• I believe everyone thinks about themselves, their lives, their loved ones, their money. Thinking is integral to growing up. It makes us persevere, change, regret, laugh, and cry. In fact, everyone knows what I'm talking about here, through thinking. As a Virgo, I was always told and "predicted" that I think a lot, sometimes too much. Yes, they are right.

• This post is driven by the current situation in my love life, haha nothing new. Full of drama? Correct.

• The guys in my life have helped me evolve. Each and every one of them are very distinct and I must say, even with the heartbreaks, I am glad I have the chance to get to know them.

• My first love showed that I was very domineering and demanding. I was pushy and clingy. I was a perfectionist, expected everything to be perfect. That relationship ended because of me.

• So my second (very challenging relationship), I became subtle, constantly finding myself listening to what he had to say, and following his lead. I liked it. I finally knew that I want my partner to guide me, not the other way around. He has been my bestfriend as we share the same passion towards cars. Both of us are very serious individually, but when we are together, we can be spontaneous like 2 bestfriends. He calls me his angel. However, it ended because I didn't believe in long distance relationship anymore, and at times his dominance made me feel trapped under his rules.

• Then there comes my third relationship. 2 years older, a US grad engineer, who is very kind-hearted and passionate about properties =). But the problem was ME. My feelings for him subside, I suddenly do not know what I want and no longer see marriage as an exciting path. I used to think that 23 is a nice age to be in a serious relationship, planning to be engaged and married, but now I am back at Square One.

• All this are due to my thinking. No doubt I have changed a lot. I have INTENTIONALLY tried to become a girl, which guys would be comfortable with: a girlfriend, a good listener and support system, and a follower instead of a leader. But it is not to my advantage. The more I get to know guys, the more I am tired of relationships, and the more confused I am. I think a lot when I drive, on the 8 hour flight whilst everyone is sleeping, in my bed before I sleep and in the middle of the night.

• The same question remains from my first relationship: What do I really want that is enough?