Debts

• Hello. I am a 23-year old STUDENT. I have not started earning my own income. I rely on my monthly allowance from my father to support my lifestyle. I recently asked for a Blackberry from my father, who granted me with the budget to buy the phone. Trying to be a decent daughter, I therefore do not want to ask for my monthly allowance for 2 months, to compensate for the purchase of the new phone. Subsequently, I now live on my mother's discretion to give me weekly cash to survive and my mother's supplementary credit card for petrol, bills, and other errands.

• HOWEVER, I have RM400 worth of MBSA summons to be paid by 7th May 2010 before my name will be blacklisted in Bank Negara's Credit Control Reference Information System (CCRIS), and though I recently charged RM150 for Maxis Bill on the credit card, my phone is now barred because I have exceeded my credit limit of RM200. Furthermore, the credit card statement showed that I had charged more than RM800 for the past month because I decided to shop for interview attires on top of the errands. I am now unable to call out, SMS, nor enjoy my Blackberry internet services, and worse would suffer the possibility of not getting any loans approved in the future because I have no money to not blacklist my name.

• The conclusion:
• My expenses have totaled up to RM1400 (RM400 + RM200 + Rm800)
• I have absolutely no money to even do anything else.
• This means I have to ask for my monthly allowance from my father, but I am just too guilty to do so.
• DEFEATS my purpose of not asking for monthly allowance.
• I wish I am working NOW.
• I am depressed.
• My boyfriend is somehow in this inaccessible mode, that I can't confide in him.

Cloud Nine

S: If i jadi lebah u jadi apa?
D: Flower kan..?
S: If i jadi bulan?
D: Hurm..i'll be...
I tak leh jadi bumi
Nanti i control u
hehe
I jadi apa syg?
S: U jadi kawah la syg
U'll be the beauty attached around me.
If i jadi bintang?
D: If u bintang, i jadi mmm...
Bintang means planets yg jauh2 tu kan
So i jadi black hole lah
I TRAP U!!
S: U're funny
Kenapa tak jadi tahi bintang
So we can move across the universe together
D: I fikir nak jd tu jgk.. shooting star
Ok Mr. Jiwang..
S: Yes Ms. Sensitive
D: If i jadi clouds, u?
S: I jadi Nine
D: Hahaha..wow u're good..
If i jadi sofa?
S: I jadi ass. Ahaha..can enjoy ur company very much

And the conversation went on... This is priceless... I feel like I'm blessed.

Reflect

• 2 years ago I was told I could find a better guy. Those who told me include his own sisters. I did not believe them even for a bit. Too emotional, too distraught, i clinged on to good memories, hoping those memories will be re-lived.


• 1 year ago (until now actually), I am hated and being called a liar and a psycho for loving my bestfriend's ex. To be hated and to be called a psycho have left permanent scars and have kept me depressed for quite some time.


• Now, I am in a position I never thought was possible. My family could not be happier and my soul has never been healed better.


• ALHAMDULILLAH, All Praise to Allah.

Embarrassed!

Sometimes I am too optimistic of happiness that reality checks would smack right at my face.

Sometimes I expect people to understand my good intentions at face value.

Sometimes I am just plain STUPID.

I had just made a total fool of myself.

My Father

1. Does your father has three wives?
2. Does your father drive 240km/h when you are in the car with him?
3. Does your father let you drive his M6 at 180km/h?
4. Does your father buy you a Mini Cooper when you were 21?
5. Does your father let you be his co-driver on the Sepang Circuit?
6. Does your father treat you and each of your siblings at Victoria Station every birthday?
7. Does your father give you free hugs and kisses in public?
8. Does your father let you invite your boyfriend on family holidays?
9. Does your father pay for the hotel bill for your celebration of a dear friend's bachelorette night?
10. Does your father listen to you like a friend and can accept your criticisms constructively?

My father is all of the above, and as much as I can be angry towards him at times, I appreciate the unique traits that he has. He is a very cool, kind-hearted, generous, lovable, and helpful guy you will ever meet.

For this, I truly hate those people who have lied to him, those who have taken advantage of his generosity by embezzling his money, adding worries to his very much complicated life. I know exactly who you are, how can you do this to a guy who has trusted you?

I feel like naming the names of the three of you just to make you feel ashamed of yourselves when you google your name, but I know my father would not even consider doing it even if it was the only solution.

Abah, I love you so much. I hope everything will be ok.

Vanity

I have BIG and MESSY hair. Considering chopping them off. The only reason that has been restraining me is dance routine, where I would actually like my hair flippin here and there.

My current mood is like the rain pouring outside. I feel gloomy but very comfortable in my bed. I think I just want to continue to hide under the blankets to escape from all the assignments and presentations falling due next week.

The only things that are keeping me sane and feel very much a living human being, and not a skeleton of an aspiring accountant, are his calls and dance practice for graduation dinner.

Nice.